FFIX: Who Wants to Be A Millionaire
by Jeffrey
Summary: Regent Cid has to be your host because Jeffrey is to lazy to go from Gaia to Earth and hire Regis. This is my very first Fanfic. PLEASE R&R! First chapter is SHORT! The second chapter has been dominated by White Dagger, so you have to read it. XD
1. Default Chapter

FFIX Who wants to be a Millionaire.  
Regent Cid is your host.  
Chapter One: My pants stink.  
Written by Jeffrey.

DISCLAIMER: DO YOU OWN FFIX? I SURE DON'T! 

Cid: Here we are at 'Who wants to be a Millionaire' Our characters are Zidane, Garnet, Vivi and all the other main characters including Beatrix.

Zidane: We get the point Regi-I mean Cid.

Cid: Anyway, put these in order if you want to be in the hot seat.  
Final Fantasy is made by this order:  
A) FFI  
B) FFII  
C)FFIII  
D)FFIIII

Cid: And everyone got it right. But...Vivi wins it with 0.5 timing.

100% Of the audience: GO VIVI!

Cid: First question: What are you?  
A)King B)Banana  
C)Black Mage D) Me

Vivi: B! That's my final answer.

Cid: WRONG! But you still get 500gil.

100% Of the audience: YAY!

Cid: We'll continue after a sec. We're back.

Dagger: -_-' Figures...

Cid: Whatcha say lady?

Dagger: Your ass stinks.

Cid: Good.

Dagger: -__________________________________________________________________________-'

Cid: For 5000 gil-

Guy: Hey! Your skipping!

Cid: YOU WANT TO MAKE SOMETHIN OUT OF IT?

Guy: YES!

Cid: EEP! Oh well, It's still 5000 gil.

Guy: HMPH! ::disappears::

Cid: How many bones do black mages have?  
A)0 B)1  
C)6 D)456

Vivi: My final answer is D!

Cid: And you're right for 5000 gil.

Vivi and 100% of the audience: WOOHOO!

Eiko: Father! You're so...normal!

Cid: Say it again Eiko!

Eiko: Father! You're so...normal!

Cid: Say it again Eiko!

Eiko: Father! You're so...normal!

Zidane: 33_55_99

Dagger: AHHHHHHHH! Six...I mean 2X3 eyes!

Zidane: I am so seriously screwed.

Jeffrey: That's not your line.

Zidane: So?

Jeffrey: ::Talks stupidly:: I never thought of that!

Eiko: WHAT THE *BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP* is your problem?!

Zidane: You.

Eiko: Why you little *BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*!

Dagger: SHADDUP!

Eiko: ::Flys away::

Dagger: She can fly?

Jeffrey: No.

Dagger: How come this world is screwed?

Jeffrey: ::shrugs:: Because this world's mommy said so?

Dagger: No. I meant a fake reason.

Jeffrey: Because...Final Fantasy IX?

Dagger: What's that?

Jeffrey: x_x

Eiko: ::Comes falling back::

Cid: You crashed the roof!

Eiko: So?

Cid: You have to pay for it.

Eiko: Father.

Cid: I'll pay for it.

Zidane: WHEE!

Thorn: What the hell is your problem/

Zorn: Sup man???

Thorn: ?

Zorn: !

Steiner: XD

Beatrix: Save the queen is my sword! I'm gonna kill a monster! ::Kills Steiner:: Woopsy Daisys! Hehehehehehe!

Cid: And we'll be back because I crapped in my pants!

Freya: Your pants stink!

Cid: WAHHHHHHHH!

Jeffrey: Don't cry you son of a *BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*!

___________________________________________________________________________________

A/N: Well...this is my first fanfic so don't blame me if it's not humorous! It was pretty short so I'll make the next one longer.

Cid: WAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Jeffrey: SHADDUP!

Cid: ::Disappears::

Jeffrey: Don't worry Vivi fans. Vivi will get two million gil.

Vivi fans: SQUEE.

Jeffrey: How many Cids can a Cid chuck chuck if a Cid chuck could chuck Cid?

Beatrix: AS MUCH AS YOU WANT.

Jeffrey: Review me if you think it has to muck capitals, or E-Mail me at [bahamut8001@hotmail.com][1]. Sorry but I don't have AIM.

Freya: Thank the lord that Cid's gone.

Jeffrey: He's gonna be back at the next chapter.

Freya: Rats...

Jeffrey: Your a rat!

Freya: I wanna be a piece of fruit.

Jeffrey: +_+

Jeffrey: I should have brought Regis here.

Freya: BRING HIM!

Jeffrey: No.

--------------------  
The End again!  
--------------------

   [1]: mailto:bahamut8001@hotmail.com



	2. SUPER SLIMY GOOEY GOO!

FFIX Who Wants to be a Millionaire  
Regent Cid, unfortunately, is still the host. Pregnant women and people with weak hearts should step away quickly. Also, please note that Cid the pervert licks hot chicks. So if you're a sexy girl (Or if you think so) then please don't read this chapter. This has been a public service announcement made by Jeffrey and White Dagger. Also, teletubbie fans are recommended to read this because teletubbies are CONTROLLING STUFF! NYAHAHAHAHAHHA!  
Chapter Two: SUPER SLIMY GOOEY GOO!  
This chapter is written by White Dagger because she had nothing to do. Minute random ideas were given by Jeffrey. 

Regent Cid: Harharhar ::hic:: Wheeeee! I mean, welcome back to Blind Date. No. Me houses. No. Yuffie is behind me-

Yuffie: ::Steals Cid's gil and explodes::

Regent Cid: No. Blind Date.

Beatrix: Blind Date?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ::explodes::

Jeffrey: I'm still thinking of ideas. I really am. Really, I am. Am I, really.

Cid: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?! ::scratches head:: ::punches face:: ::packs his lunch:: ::prints blank pictures:: ::eats lunch:: ::plays puzzles:: ::rolls eyes:: ::plays cards::

Jeffrey: SHADDUP! MOFO MAN!

Cid: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?! ::scratches head:: ::punches face:: ::packs his lunch:: ::prints blank pictures:: ::eats lunch:: ::plays puzzles:: ::rolls eyes:: ::plays cards::

Jeffrey: Never mind. ::explodes::

Vivi: WEEEEEEEEE! I'M GONNA BE A MILLIONAIRE AFTER THIS CHAPTER!

Amarant: I'm too cool to be a millionaire. 

Lani: WHOOOOOOO! ::clap clap clap clap clap clap clap::

Cid: Anyways, for 10,000 gil...Who's prettiest?

A.) Me B.) You  
C.) Him D.) Queen Brahne 

Vivi: Ummm...::looks at Cid with a cute puppy face:: Can you tell me the answer?

Cid whispering: It's D...

Vivi: B.

Cid: Is that your final answer?

Vivi: Yes sir. I love you sir.

Cid: And that is correct! We all know Queen Brahne is a butt-ugly obese elephant anyways.

Queen Brahne: ::sniffle:: ::snort::

Room explodes.

Cid: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Game over...

Zidane: Good thing I saved. Hehehehe harhar.

FFIX Who Wants to be a Millionaire  
Regent Cid, unfortunately, is still the host. Pregnant women and people with weak hearts should step away quickly. Also, please note that Cid the pervert licks hot chicks. So if you're a sexy girl (Or if you think so) then please don't read this chapter. This has been a public service announcement made by Jeffrey and White Dagger. Also, teletubbie fans are recommended to read this because teletubbies are CONTROLLING STUFF! NYAHAHAHAHAHHA!  
Chapter Two: SUPER SLIMY GOOEY GOO!  
This chapter is written by White Dagger because she had nothing to do. Minute random ideas were given by Jeffrey.

Regent Cid: Harharhar ::hic:: Wheeeee! I mean, welcome back to Blind Date. No. Me houses. No. Yuffie is behind me-

Yuffie: ::Steals Cid's gil and explodes::

Regent Cid: No. Blind Date.

Beatrix: Blind Date?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ::explodes::

Jeffrey: I'm still thinking of ideas. I really am. Really, I am. Am I, really.

Cid: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?! ::scratches head:: ::punches face:: ::packs his lunch:: ::prints blank pictures:: ::eats lunch:: ::plays puzzles:: ::rolls eyes:: ::plays cards::

Jeffrey: SHADDUP! MOFO MAN!

Cid: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?! ::scratches head:: ::punches face:: ::packs his lunch:: ::prints blank pictures:: ::eats lunch:: ::plays puzzles:: ::rolls eyes:: ::plays cards::

Jeffrey: Not again....

Cid: Yes again!

Jeffrey: FAST FORWARD!

Narrator: Read your scripts as fast as you can, people.

Cid: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?! ::soosoo hoo:: ::palaop faop:: ::ladeepo on hehd:: ::pee nooo piele:: ::umeo lop:: ::woidp podi:: ::fkdk pol:: ::oekf; peo::

Jeffrey: Noolooloo! ::explodes::

Cid: Alooloo, tootootoo goo...whoo poolooloo?

A.) Moo B.) Yoo  
C.) Hoo D.) Quoo Broo

Vivi: Blah. ::slime:: Poopoo?

Cid whispering: Itsoo Doo.

Vivi: B.

Cid: Is thoo yoor foonoo oonswoo?

Vivi: BOOBOO!

Security Guards drag Queen Brahne out. A loud snort is heard, and the area surrounding the building explodes.

White Dagger: Unfastforward. 

Jeffrey: YOU'RE NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE WRITING MY FANFIC!

White Dagger: That's what you get for stealing my ideas in the first chapter.

Jeffrey: Aw crap.

Cid: Anyways, for 50,000 gil.

Eiko: . Talk about skipping!

Cid: Sure! Skipping is a cardiovascular work out-

Eiko: I don't mean literally!

Cid: Oh Pooh. Anyways...Is Dagger a...

A.) Boy B.) Skateboard  
C.) Window D.) Queen

Vivi: Ummmm...Queen!

Cid: Is that your final answer.

Vivi: You know it is! Shut up! It's not like B is gonna be my final answer...Dagger, you're not a skateboard, right?

Dagger: o_O Of course not!

Cid: And you get 50,000 gil! Moving on to 200,000 gil...

Everyone but Cid: _

Eiko: YAY!

Zidane: What? 

Eiko: I got my gooey slimy science set thingy. It cost like...85,000 gil

Zidane: So? Who cares ya little twerp?

Eiko: I do!

Zidane: Who else?

Tumbleweed rolls across the scene.

Cid: Advanced Math: If you have three apples, how much apples do you have?

A.) Two Apples B.) Zero Apples  
C.) Three Apples D.) Two Bears

Vivi: I'm gonna use fifty-fifty for this...

A and B were cut off.

Vivi: Damn! Eenie Meenie Miney Mop...

Cid: Mop?

Vivi: Uhhhh...I'd say...C, three apples.

Cid: Is that your final answer?

Vivi: Ask me that again and feel the wrath of Firaga.

Vivi Fans: Yay!

Cid: Eep! Okay, that's correct for 200,000 gil. I also would have accepted answer D.

Everyone but Cid: o.o;;

Eiko: Ladeeda doo doo!

Cid: For 300,000 gil...Can you explain why Queen Brahne is so fat?

A.) Yes B.) No  
C.) It's a Glandular Problem. D.) Perhaps, perhaps not.

Vivi: Ummmmm....that's a hard one. How about A?

Cid: Is-

Vivi glares at Cid.

Cid: Ah! That's correct for 300,000 gil...God knows that's hell not a Glandular problem...Alright! Next Ques-

Suddenly, A Figure in Black appears.

Cid: Who are you, Figure in Black?

Figure in Black: You shall not know my name.

Zidane: Hey! You're that old freak that wanted my caffeine. Morrid!

Morrid: Aw dammit. I came here to steal coffee.

Morrid: But I must go now! I can steal coffee elsewhere. 

Morrid disappears, and everyone is covered in Super Slimy Gooey Goo.

Note that Morrid had to say stuff three times because Quina would eat me if I made it one line. Wait a minute, what the hell?! That's the stupidest idea Jeffrey has given so far. Nyahaha.

Dagger: I'm not covered in Super Slimy Gooey Goo.

Eiko: I am. I played with my set.

Freya: I'm not.

Zidane: Neither am I.

Beatrix: Me neither.

Everyone else: We're not covered.

White Dagger: Well, dammit, I had to make the title of this chapter make sense...kinda.

Jeffrey: Yeah! Like last time...

Jeffrey: Like last time...

WD: o.o Repetitive! Heeeheee, that's a funny word. Repe**tit**ive. Heeeeheeee!

Cid: Anyways, for a million gil...

Everyone but Cid: Geeeeez...

Eiko: Talk about skipping!

Cid: No!

Eiko: Fine.

Cid: For a million Gil: What is your name?

Cid: What is your name?

WD: SHUT UP!

A.) Vuvu B.) Legolas  
C.) Kefka D.) Mary Poppins

Vivi: Aw geez, that's a really hard one. I'm gonna use the audience lifeline.

A VUVU: 5% B LEGOLAS: 51%  
C KEFKA: 9% D MARY POPPINS: 99%

Freya: Waitaminute, that doesn't even add up to 100%!

Cid: We had hired the Teletubbies to manage our computers.

INSIDE THE COMPUTER ROOM PLACE

Po: ME AND YOU AND ZOMBOOMAFOO! FEAR THE POWER OF PBS!

Back in the insanity...

Vivi: D is my final answer!

Cid: Is that your final answer?

BOOM!

Cid: Where'd my head go...? 

Cid: Well, doesn't make a difference.

Cid: That is...incorrect. But, you still get 1,000,000 gil.

Vivi: That's more like it!

Vivi fans: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! 

Vivi Fans: GOO VIVI!

Cid: And Vivi is now a million gilaire . ::hands Vivi a check for a million gil:: Good bye!

Vivi: I wanna thank all my loyal fans, thankya, thankya very much. 

Fan girls all gasp and faint. 

Including White Dagger. That's why it's taking even longer to type up this story. Harharharhar. 

Cid: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaa?! 

Cid: Anyways...the hot seat question thingy.

Cid: Put this in order of least to greatest:

A.) 10 gil B.) 20 gil  
C.) 5965953296896319852659898989 gil D.) Marble poop

White Dagger: ::unfaints:: Too bad! 

White Dagger: It's the end of the chapter.

White Dagger: Nyahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahha ::cough cough hack wheeze:: 

White Dagger: Dammit.

The workers get Quina to walk away. But Quina was too fat. So White Dagger had to shoot Quina's head off. See? No more annoying breaks. Goodies.

----------  
The End   
----------

* * *

A/N: And that is the end of this little thingy I typed up because Jeffrey is stealing ideas from the Tour of Gaia and Freaky Fantasy IX. Pffft. Oh yeah, time for the traditional 'Tour of Gaia' style A/N Questions! Aheeeem...What is worth more, Marble poop or 5965953296896319852659898989 gil? Is Vivi's name really Vuvu? Did I spell Cardiovascular right? Alooloo, tootootoo goo...whoo poolooloo?

A.) Moo B.) Yoo  
C.) Hoo D.) Quoo Broo

Jeffrey: peojfifiekdm  
-------------------------------------------------  
THIS IS REALLY THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
-------------------------------------------------

White Dagger: mopoekfjido!

Vivi: Me moolloo poop

Dagger: lseifid

Zidane: polkeod

Steiner: Insoekdi folt

Freya: Poekd jdjfie jidmlsl idms

Amarant: Osoioidie oe

Lani: WOO! JIFDJ!

Beatrix: Joejdksoekdks! isjekkdod iekd kdjs.liek l,p mooli jkduj is!

-------------------------------------------  
THE END YOU *BLEEP* ING *BLEEP  
-------------------------------------------

White Dagger: Unfastforward.

--------  
RAGE!  
--------

White Dagger: What the hell?! Since when can the 'The End' things talk?! This makes no sense at all!


End file.
